These are the things i have learned.
1. Faith is important. Pray to God Ween Satan the stars the ancient ones your higher power. Alah Buddha. Even science. No. Not Scientology. But once you believe in something greater than yourself you will not be finding yourself in a codependent relationship with someone that might leave. The thing about borderlines is we have abandonment issues. In most to all cases we were abandoned so our fears our logical. We are the “too much girl ” we fly off the handle. Our apologies become lost in translation. We’re the biggest stigma. They say we are crazy and unhinged. That we ruin everything we touch. The comments on the internet make my teeth come out and i have probably gained more fans than ememies for my feedback on thier sickness. I can wound with my words. I can also heal. We all have that power. What i like about my eclectic path is that it takes me everywhere. Its still acceptable to be magical and whimsical. To believe in wishes. Prayers. Spells. Love. I have a guy i dont get to see alot. I miss him so much sometimes it hurts. But the time we do spend together is nothing short of perfection that why should i have a right to complain? This is how i hacked my brain. I looked at the situation from an angle which i wouldn’t normally think of, a thinking strategy i dont often use. Instead of being paranoid he’s mad at me or some would say cheating but my relationship is ok in that department. He’s a full time dad. Anyway enough about him. Hes a great muse. Let your entity shine a light on you. If you’re over weight go on a diet work out and once spring comes you’ll have no excuse not to be active. If you accomplish one thing a day, from taking a shower to mowing the lawn to working on a creative outlet you have achived something. Just think if i free write like this what material will erupt? I hate everything I’ve ever written it makes me cringe. Its the self doubt of the artist. And everyone is an artist. If you have a trade you are a master artisan. If you are kind to people you are an artist of good vibes. They say we cant control what happens to us but we can choose how we react. For a borderline we react. We fly off the handle. I never thought much about that saying but it sounds witchy. Maybe all women are witches. We need to take our power back. Some men are great but not the men we need to be great. The men that are supposed to be making America great. I refuse to say again because it has never been what it is now. But enough politics from me. Vote Bernie Sanders . Just kidding do what you want to do. Your politics do not affect me. So. Anyway. Birds of Prey was awesome.
Today was an odd day for me. I accomplished goals I’ve been putting off for months. I cleaned my room and decluttered my clothes. It took all day. I had asked friends to help me but would have turned 100 first so I prayed and set myself on completing this task. Of course my body aches and on top of it I haven’t heard from my boyfriend all day. I asked him to take me to my place. I got mad at him for ignoring me as borderlines do and said you could have said you didn’t want to take me instead of ignoring me. Wish I could take that back because now I’m more worried than mad. I didn’t initially clean to get my mind off it but it sure helped my self esteem. Now I just need to start a Poshmark. I decided I didn’t need therapy today. I took a shower as soon as I woke up and set out on not being glued to the TV or guilt ridden that I’m not watching gamers on YouTube for 8 hours straight with my son. I fed him made sure he had whatever he needed and followed through with my goal. I don’t care if your goal was combing your hair or finishing a business proposal just finish what you start.
These are the things i have learned.